Tornados

My daughter, Harper, loves to learn about natural disasters. She watches videos online about hurricanes, earthquakes, tornados, and volcanos. We live in Mississippi, so the only one we are familiar with are tornados. She is just amazed by them! A few weeks ago, a tornado touched down and did a lot of damage in a town not far from ours, so it’s all she talked about for a while. One night I was lying in bed with her, and she said, “Mama, does God make tornados?” I don’t know why this took me by surprise because we believe that God made everything! The answer should be a simple, “yes,” but it just wasn’t that easy.

When I was a child, I imagined God sitting on his throne in heaven watching us like a movie he already filmed. He was the puppet master, and we were the puppets on a string. As I got older and learned more about God, I understood that he wasn’t some far off God watching us. He is a loving God who is involved in every second of our lives. But I still believed that everything in life happened for a reason. I gave up that belief when I had a special needs child.

I know that God created Nolan to be the amazing child he is. God knew my child would have autism and all the struggles he would face before he was even born. But I can’t believe that God made him that way. God created a perfect little healthy boy. Genetic mutations, environmental issues, chemicals, and human error caused autism, not God. God doesn’t make bad things, but he does allow them. He doesn’t give a child cancer. He doesn’t snap his fingers and cause a horrific wreck. Unimaginable things happen on this Earth, and I can’t convince myself that the God who loves us created any of them. But I have learned that he will help us through them.

We live in a broken world, and it isn’t getting any better. I may never understand why my son has autism or why his life will be harder than others. I may never know why God allowed this to happen. But I will tell you what I do know. God tells us in Romans 8:28, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Does that mean he’s going to take away Nolan’s autism? No. It means that if we give it all to God and his will, he can use the hardships we and Nolan face for good.

This isn’t a revelation I reached on the day Nolan was diagnosed, or even years after. Once I faced the fact that I can’t control or fix everything, and decided to hand it over to God, he started to show me what great things he could do. I began to see more silver linings than dark clouds. I noticed Nolan’s contagious laughter and heart felt hugs. The self-harm and struggles to reach milestones didn’t hurt my heart as bad. I’d love to tell you that handing over these struggles to God changed everything and we’ve all lived happily ever after. Not even close. Nolan continues to do well in school and is progressing and happy. But we still have meltdowns, biting, sleep problems, behavior issues, communication delays, and all the things that go along with autism. It still hurts to see our child suffer through things that should be easy or enjoyable for him. I still get angry at life sometimes and I still have moments where I just need a good cry.

The biggest difference now is this: I know that God will use Nolan for a bigger plan than we may never know about. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” God sees the bigger picture. I still try to control and fix Nolan’s struggles on my own. It’s a daily and sometimes hourly choice to trust God and lean on him for comfort and answers.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Next time you feel hopeless or frustrated with the way life is, don’t waste your time using your own strength; and most of all don’t give up. Talk to God, tell him how you feel, and trust that he will use it for good. You can agree or disagree on whether God made the tornado in your life; the point is that either way he will be there holding your hand to help you through it if you let him.